Struggling to Not Harm

Question: Hello... Even though I respect all religions I still struggle with my own spirituality from time to time. The main reason for my struggle is the fact that I am a pedophile; even though I would never hurt a boy sexually or physically I have still been born with the attraction towards them. I have the same desire to share sex with a boy as much as any adult would have for another adult; but it is my knowlage for what is right for the child that stops me from doing those things.

My point is; is that even though I feel love and attraction for children; but do not act these emotions out; does this still make me a monster? I cannot help the way I feel and did not choose the way I am. What advice would you give me?

Response: We are all born with desires and attachments. That is why we are still in the cycle of rebirth. We can give in to those desires or we can work to control them. You understand that to act on your desires as a pedophile would bring great harm to an innocent child and so you work hard and control yourself. This is what our practice is all about—restraining ourselves from harming others.

Ideally, we would not have any thoughts of desire. But since we are not yet awakened, we start from where we are. Each one of us has committed the karmas that have lead to our being the person we are today. To judge and label others or ourselves is pointless because none of us knows the causes that have lead us to who we are. All we now know is that those causes are fixed and cannot be changed.

But we can change who we are and who we will become with our current thoughts and actions. You are successfully controlling your actions. Do not judge yourself; but, rather, continue to control, reduce, and eventually eliminate harmful thoughts and impulses. This is something that each of us needs to do.

Two Criteria for Right Livelihood

There are two criteria for right livelihood. First, it should not be necessary to break the five precepts in one's work, since doing so obviously causes harm to others. But further, one should not do anything that encourages other people to break the precepts, since this will also cause harm. Neither directly nor indirectly should our means of livelihood involve injury to other beings. Thus any livelihood that requires killing, whether of human beings or of animals, is clearly not right livelihood.... Selling liquor or other drugs may be very profitable, but even if one abstains from them oneself, the act of selling encourages others to use intoxicants and thereby to harm themselves. Operating a gambling casino may be very lucrative, but all who come there to gamble cause themselves harm. Selling poisons or weapons—arms, ammunition, bombs, missiles—is good business, but it injures the peace and harmony of multitudes. None of these is right livelihood.

Even though a type of work may not actually harm others, if it is performed with the intention that others should be harmed it is not right livelihood. The doctor who hopes for an epidemic and the trader who hopes for a famine are not practicing right livelihood.

~ S.N. Goenka, The Art of Living

Going Forward in Difficult Times

 

In the Western Pure Land, there are uncountable bodhisattvas, beings who are dedicated to helping all others end suffering. Widely known in this world and often depicted standing to Amitabha’s left is Avalokitesvara, or Guanyin Bodhisattva. Avalokitesvara is often translated as “Great Compassion Bodhisattva” or “She who hears the cries of the world.”

A very long time ago, Avalokitesvara vowed that if she ever became disheartened in saving sentient beings, may her body shatter into a thousand pieces. Once, after liberating countless beings from the hell realms by teaching them the Dharma, she looked back down into the hell realms. To her horror, she saw that the hell realms were quickly filling up again!

In a fleeting moment of despair, she felt profound grief. And in that moment, in accordance with her vow, her body shattered into a thousand pieces. She beseeched the Buddhas to help and many did. Like a fall of snowflakes they came. One of those Buddhas was Amitabha. He and the other Buddhas helped to re-form her body into one that had a thousand arms and hands, with an eye of wisdom in each hand. In this way, she could better help all sentient beings.

Whether you view this as a true account or a legend, there is a very important lesson here that can help us in our practice of compassion. When we first develop the bodhi mind—the mind set on helping all beings attain enlightenment, ourselves included—we will experience times when we are disheartened. At this point, we have two choices: go forward or give up. To go forward we need to reestablish our confidence. We may do this under the guidance of a good teacher, through the support of a good spiritual friend, or through other means. If we do not go forward, we will fall back into ignorance and delusion.

It will help us at these difficult times to remember that we do not grow spiritually in good times, when everything is going our way. We grow spiritually and progress on the path of awakening in times of adversity. Just as steel is tempered by fire, our resolve is strengthened by hardship.

Avalokitesvara was shattered in a fleeting moment of despair. But through the strength of her aspiration to help all beings, she touched the hearts of those who had gone before her on the path. Due to her great vow and profound sincerity, she had created the causes for many Buddhas to help her when she was momentarily overwhelmed by the enormity of her chosen task. We too will encounter obstacles. When we do, our aspiration to help all beings will enable us to receive the help we need to move back onto the path.

Water and Oil

The Buddha said, “You should respect each other and refrain from disputes. You should not, like water and oil, repel each other, but should, like milk and water, mingle together.” If we can put aside our personal differences and understand that by nature we are all the same, we will be better able to treat all with respect. Only by doing so, will we receive the respect of others.

No Good Deed

When we are trying to do what is right, it can often seem that good results do not come our way. As was said in a class recently, “No good deed goes unpunished!”

Why do we do good deeds and receive misfortune when others commit wrongdoings and obtain good fortune? What happened to cause and effect?

We need to remember that while it is true that we will receive good fortune after doing a virtuous deed, that good fortune rarely appears immediately. Why? Because our transgressions are too heavy to be compensated by just one small virtuous deed!

In Buddhism, we often hear of the “three lifetimes.” This refers to the three aspects of a karmic effect. First, good fortune arising from good deeds or suffering arising from misdeeds may occur within the present lifetime. Second, they may occur in the next lifetime. Third, such karmic results may not come about until the third lifetime or they may not show up until after innumerable lifetimes. So, causal actions do give rise to various karmic results, we just cannot be certain when.

Under what circumstances would these karmic results take effect? Good or evil karmic results can only be brought about by the existence of appropriate conditions or circumstances. If the appropriate conditions mature in the present lifetime, the respective karmic result will then manifest itself within the present lifetime. This is the first aspect of a karmic effect.

Similarly, should the appropriate conditions mature in the next lifetime; the karmic effect will manifest itself then: the second aspect of a karmic effect. Should the conditions fail to arise after numerous lifetimes; the karmic cause will remain dormant. Perhaps after the passing of immeasurable eons, the conditions may finally arise and then the karmic result will manifest.