How Do I Not Let My Ego be So Sensitive?

Question: How do I not let my ego be so sensitive? I worked hard today, trying to be a good Buddhist with a positive attitude and compassionate to all beings, but a person came in that really irritated me. She makes twice the money I do and has an easy job and a company car. So I continued working hard while trying not to resent that, but I still did. I tried chanting "Amituofo" but it didn't help, my mind kept wandering to why I have so little and she's so rich.

Response: The Buddha cautioned against judging others not just because we're supposed to be looking at ourselves, but because we know so little! On the surface, the woman looks like she has everything: money, job, nice car. But we have no idea what her life is really like. Is she afraid of losing that job? Is she content with what she has or does she want more? When she goes home in the evening, is it to a happy home? 

I strongly suspect things are not as rosy as they appear. If they were, why would she have done something that irritated you? There must have been something. I can't imagine if she came in happy and friendly that you would have been irritated by her. The things we do that irritate others often come from our own suffering. When we're unhappy, we're careless of the feelings of others. When we are happy, we want to share it with others. Not irritate them.

Our jobs, cars, intelligence are all results of what we did and thought in our past lifetimes. She planted the seeds to have these good things so she's legitimately reaping the results.

 The question is, is she continuing to plant the seeds for future good fortune? If she doesn't know to do so, it could well be that she's enjoying her good fortune while not creating more. That's the seed for future suffering. So she's either suffering now because her life is disappointing in various ways that we don't see, or she'll suffer in the future because she's now planting the seeds for suffering.

This is someone to have compassion for, not resentment.

You are learning how to end your suffering. Most likely she doesn't even really know why she's not satisfied and content--why she is suffering.

Who's the fortunate one?

Our suffering lies in what we tell ourselves. An example. Just a while ago I swept my patio. There's been some construction work and dirt had been piled up on it and it was still messy. So while trying to avoid the bugs and ants on it, I swept it so it was nice and clean. Then I admired how good it looked. It hadn't even been an hour when the guys who mow the lawn showed up. I now have a bunch of lawn clippings and other stuff on my patio. It was clean for not even an hour! I could have been frustrated. After all the broom was short and I had to bend over to use it and my back was not happy. Instead, I thought okaaay, now I know that the lawn guys come on Thursday afternoon. So starting next week, I'll clean the patio Friday morning.

It's a small thing, but I could have made it a problem. In this instance, I was able to choose not to. 

This is what "practice" is. Taking what we learn in Buddhism and gradually applying it in daily life.

Comments

[Louis]

yes, this is indeed one of the most challenging daily situation we faced. In some way, we are fortunate to have a chance to practice but it is easier say than done.

One of the way to let go is not to compare. Whether is good situation or bad situation, focus on how we can help other people and our society.

eg. when we go to public toilet and saw people working hard washing, scrubbing to keep it clean ... we should appreciate them.

So let us remind ourselves that in whatever situation we are, we have a choice to let go.

Just like our breath, be it quick or slow or hard or soft ... its purpose is simple to serve all of us so we can live moments from moments. It does not choose or complain. Just accept and be peace within :-)

[Sue K]

"When we are busy focusing on what we don't have, we don't pay attention to what we do have. Wanting is different from having. Wanting is in the future. It is based on an idea of what might make you happy in five minutes, tomorrow, next week. But having is here, now. Most of us don't let ourselves have what's in front of us, so we're always wanting more. When you don't let yourself have what you already have, you are always hungry, always searching, always restless." Geneen Roth

It is the concept of the "hungry ghost".

I am blessed to read/write, to have a computer to type on, to have a lifestyle that is better than a majority of the world at this moment. I am grateful in this moment.