Non-attachment not Detachment

(Some entries bear repeating. . . )

Question: I was talking to a friend and she told me "she tried" Buddhism but the following was her reason for not pursuing it further: "I don't think that it is a good thing to detach from the body and all emotions.  I believe that passion and emotions are part of the best part of being human.  So... pure detachment leaves me feeling un-human."

Response: I imagine "pure detachment" would leave any reasonable person feeling un-human. But Buddhism does not teach pure detachment.

In Buddhism, the opposite of attachment is not detachment but rather non-attachment. Detachment is unresponsive and removed from emotions. Non-attachment allows us to feel the emotions but not become trapped by them.  When we are non-attached, we still care but we no longer discriminate, feeling love for this person and aversion for another. When we practice non-attachment, we are letting go of worries and expectations. We are fully engaged in what we do, but we realize the act of doing is all we control. As Master Kuang-ch'in said, "Non-attachment does not mean indifference or carelessness, but rather you should do your best and not worry about the results."

Neither do we "detach from the body." We wisely realize it is not permanent and that it is not our true self. It is a temporary dwelling for this lifetime. But we still need to take care of it and treat it with respect as we try to find the balance between hedonism and asceticism. 

Those I know who excel at non-attachment are some of the most engaged, hard-working, and cheerful people I know. Practicing as the Buddha taught, they are a joy to be around. Just thinking of them makes me smile.

Comments

[Sue K]

I'm so glad you posted this again. :-)

Today there was a situation of, "If you tell them the truth they will be angry." I thought about it. I decided the truth was still the best course. My integrity or their anger? Hmmm.

I thought about the anger part. Anger is really an ego meltdown. The ego isn't interested in the truth. Hopefully they will realize their soul will benefit from the truth.

The lesson for me was, when I find I'm getting angry, I need to practice non-attachment to my ego. Observe the ego's tantrum and then be thankful there is a lesson in the situation for myself and the other person.

When you were here in the US I think this was the most valuable lesson you taught me/us. Thank you.

[Linda]

This is a really important distinction, I feel. I think a lot of us spiritual seekers get confused about this. I remember when I was part of a yoga group many years ago, this misconception about needing to be detached was rampant to the point that some of us made an art form out of being cold, aloof, unfeeling and generally emotionally constipated, all with the very best of intentions of course! And I remember we often worried about how to be "detached" from those whom we loved. That word - "detachment" - was used a lot and I see now that it caused a lot of confusion and difficulties in relationships. It was probably just a bad translation for what should have been "non-attachment" which I think often had the effect of reinforcing emotional shutdown. It would have been good to have had this important understanding of the difference between detachment and non-attachment explained so well back then. I'm sure quite a few marriages would have been saved for a start! Anyway, it's good to have it now - thank you.

[john b]

So much misunderstanding about Buddhism! Thank you so much for clarifying this very important issue.

[anybody]

My life at this moment in the time, space, continuum seems to be intertwined with the writings on this blog.

Oh how we are all seem to create a beutifully woven tapistry and don't even know what part or to what degree we play in each others lives on a regular basis no matter the distance.

Life is good.

amitoufou,
anybody

[Dieu Am Thong Dat]

Amitoufo
Dear Venerable Wuling,
I'm been looking for your website. I need an English version for my nephews, nieces and friends's children. We follow Ven Wu Tong, and I have been shaping up myself since I knew him. Ven Wu Tong in part and all Master Chin Kung's Vens in general are the great torches to lead so numerous poeple out of the dark.
The clairification between Non-attachment and Detachment are so unmistakenable. Ven Wu Tong has repeated the Non attachement, but I still ashamingly practise Detachment. Thanks to the article I have read today. Your teaching is non difference to what Ven Wu Tong has taught me, but I understand now clearer.
Please accept my great appreciation.
It is the time for the younger ages of my family and my friends to understand better Buddhism.

Amitoufo

Dieu Am Thong Dat