The True Nature of "I Am"

In a recent discussion, we were talking about one of the Eight Sufferings—the suffering of old age.

We suffer because each of us is attached to our idea of who “I” am. Perhaps we identify ourselves as “artist” or “surgeon” or “singer.” Then, one day, comes the realization that the skills that have become an intrinsic part of who we are have slipped beyond our ability to perform them. We are unable to paint the mermaid we see so clearly in our mind, unable to perform an operation that could save a young man’s life, unable to sing the classical music that people have been enthralled by for the last two hundred years. We are no longer an “artist,” or a “surgeon,” or a “singer.”

We can no longer practice the skill that enabled us to help or to inspire others, the skill that gave us our identity and which made us special,.Initially, we are hit by a wave of intense loss. If we remain attached to our idea of “I am …,” our sense of loss will never subside. And this will cause us great suffering.

But if we understand that everything truly is impermanent, that we are more than artist or surgeon or singer, our suffering will abate. After all, our life is a series of “I am…” I am a strong and nimble child. I am a student who can study all night and stay awake through class the next day. I am a daughter who can visit her parents and know that there are two people on this earth who love me unconditionally.

So we each can say “I am” of many things. All of which were impermanent. Just like our identity.

Our clinging to this identity is like trying to hold on to a cloud. Seeing the cloud from a distance it looks real, and able to be held on to. Being next to it and trying to hold it, we realize it is impossible. This is the nature of impermanence and impermanence comprises all the things of our mundane world.

Realizing the cloud is impermanent and that our clinging to it will only end in suffering will eventually lessen our suffering. As will understanding the true nature of “I am.”

Comments

[Shinyo]

It seems to be common practice in our society to equate who we are with what we do for a living. "I" am not my "job". I've always been a little uncomfortable with that. I applied for a job today as an addictions treatment counselor. I'm doing this because it is something I can be happy with. It's not for the pay, because it doesn't pay that well. It's not for the status. Others at work asked me if I was going to apply because they knew of no one else who wanted the job. If I get the job, I will still not be my job even though it will be something I can feel good about. I'm almost 40 and I finally know what I want to do, not be, when I grow up! Studying to be a lay minister has helped me see that what I really want is to help others. I don't have to be anything to do this.

http://shinyo-gassho.blogspot.com/

[Venerable Wuling]

Wonderful news! Figuring out what we want to do with our lives--and being able to do it--is true good fortune. Especially when it will help others.

[Sue K]

Thankfully, with age comes a mastery that can be taught to the next generation of artists, writers, etc. Morphing to the next higher level, wise teacher, is not a loss, but a passing on of talent and beauty.

[Cameo]

Thank you, Venerable,
Your lesson about impermanence, which I seem to need to hear again and again, is very welcome, - again. It's a real hard lesson for me to grasp - maybe because everything I touch is impermanent. :-) My artist personna and my mother personna are two things I don't want to let go....and yet, I've made a mark on "my" world. Two more great-grandbabies are being welcomed into the world soon, and I've passed the gift of art to three generations of my family and to many others.So, of course babies and art are not "mine" - they just flow through us. All of us. Amituofo
Cameo

[ben]

The idea of "I AM".
i learnt that the I AM is the self-identity we associate ourselves too,
if it is a norm. then we just follow along never questioning whether if it is entirely correct or wrong. We would go on to be afflicted and then we get angry instead of reversing the light and ask ourselves. This confusion didn't start recently it started a long long time ago, but we're lucky that we are here today that we acquired a human form and that we met the buddha's teaching which he left behind that teaches and transforms us in ways that we thought impossible.