In a recent discussion, we were talking about one of the Eight Sufferings—the suffering of old age.
We suffer because each of us is attached to our idea of who “I” am. Perhaps we identify ourselves as “artist” or “surgeon” or “singer.” Then, one day, comes the realization that the skills that have become an intrinsic part of who we are have slipped beyond our ability to perform them. We are unable to paint the mermaid we see so clearly in our mind, unable to perform an operation that could save a young man’s life, unable to sing the classical music that people have been enthralled by for the last two hundred years. We are no longer an “artist,” or a “surgeon,” or a “singer.”
We can no longer practice the skill that enabled us to help or to inspire others, the skill that gave us our identity and which made us special,.Initially, we are hit by a wave of intense loss. If we remain attached to our idea of “I am …,” our sense of loss will never subside. And this will cause us great suffering.
But if we understand that everything truly is impermanent, that we are more than artist or surgeon or singer, our suffering will abate. After all, our life is a series of “I am…” I am a strong and nimble child. I am a student who can study all night and stay awake through class the next day. I am a daughter who can visit her parents and know that there are two people on this earth who love me unconditionally.
So we each can say “I am” of many things. All of which were impermanent. Just like our identity.
Our clinging to this identity is like trying to hold on to a cloud. Seeing the cloud from a distance it looks real, and able to be held on to. Being next to it and trying to hold it, we realize it is impossible. This is the nature of impermanence and impermanence comprises all the things of our mundane world.
Realizing the cloud is impermanent and that our clinging to it will only end in suffering will eventually lessen our suffering. As will understanding the true nature of “I am.”