When Our Karma Comes to Grab Us
September 17, 2008
I'm going to make a generalization, something I try not to do.
I'm going to guess that most of the people who read this blog live in a
pretty safe environment. Most of us don't experience the anger that seeks to
destroy, to intentionally inflict pain. That kind of hatred happens in other
places: in war zones, police states, places where religious intolerance is the
norm. It doesn't happen where we shop. It doesn't happen to us.
Or does it?
Celine, Charles, and I went to Kingaroy today, a town about ten miles away
where we do our weekly shopping. Charles needed some dental work done. I wanted
to get some night lights and other things for our Buddhist center to make it
safer and nicer for the people who stay there for retreats. I offered to take my
car. Celine drove.
After we left the supermarket and picked up Charles, we headed back to
Nanango. But first we stopped at the big hardware store on the
outskirts of Kingaroy. Celine parked the car,
handed me the key, and we all went in. After about five minutes or so we came
out. Celine called me and I went to the driver's side of the car.
Someone had deliberately keyed (gouging a car with a key or
similar sharp-edged instrument) the front quarter panel, both doors, and the
rear quarter panel. The gouges were deep—down to the metal and into it. We went back into the store, but when they checked their security cameras,
they said regrettably that our section of the parking lot wasn't covered. We called the police station to report the incident, went to the station to fill out a report, and drove home.
So there you have it. I came up hard against the realization that someone is
so angry with me that they very possible hate me. Too strong? I really don't
think so. I saw the calculated maliciousness of the damage.
And I know about karma.
Today it came out of the past to grab me. I know how hatred can fester and
grow over time from unintentional thoughtlessness to calculated maliciousness
to uncontrolled retaliation. Where on this escalating slope of hatred my
"adversary" is I don't know. But on it, he, or she, is.
So how did I react? Initially, I was angry. This felt personal. The damage was
carefully done to cause the most damage. It didn't feel like random act. Thankfully, the anger passed fairly
quickly. It would have been nice if it hadn't arisen at all, but I did a lot
better than I would have before Buddhism.
Then apprehension. Someone who hates me enough to take the risk of being
caught and charged with malicious mischief is in a town I visit regularly. Paranoid? Not really. A
karmic enemy has surfaced, and while I have no idea who he or she is, my karmic
enemy may know who I am. This will certainly give one pause.
What next? Questions arise. Can I let go of the anger enough for both of us?
How deeply compassionate can I feel for this person? The money I will use to
pay for the repair work was given to me to be used for my work. The person will
have been culpable in a situation where Dharma money is not used for its intended
purpose. This is very serious.
How does my karmic adversary feel now? Happy? Worried? Surely not calm.
Seeking comfort in thoughts of how to let go of negative emotions and
destructive reactions? I'm afraid that someone who is capable of such ugly
emotions as those that lead to the violence I saw a few hours ago is not calm,
not happy, not reflective.
And so I feel sadness. Someone I am connected to through my past actions
is in pain and will suffer from his or her actions today. And I contributed to
their suffering with my previous involvement with this person. So tonight the
verse I say every night will be even more poignant:
All evil actions committed by me
since time immemorial,
stemming from greed, anger, and ignorance,
arising from body, speech, and mind,
I deeply repent having committed.
It’s so easy to make an enemy. We do it all the time. It’s not so easy to let go of anger to the point of not feeling even the slightest twinge of it arising. To not even have the thought of “no anger.”
But letting go of the anger, not even thinking of it, is something we each need to do.
Reader Comments (10)
Thank you for the reassurance. And I'm sorry you had the same thing happen!
There is still a karmic connection. If there wasn't any, the person wouldn't have selected my car, or your car, or the others' cars. In other words, why one car, but not the one next to it? Because there is a karmic enmity, a simmering anger from past encounters. The anger grows until it is acted upon physically. Then the physical reactions increase in intensity.
As in said in the sutras, all men have been my father, all women my mother. So we have karmic affinities--or enmities--with an uncountable number of people. When the opportunity arises, people act on those affinities and enmities. Unfortunately, it's often the latter. And often with anger.
Also, remind myself of Liao-fan Four lessons too .. everything is destined so no need to worry.
Worry is an affliction and thus not what we want to do. But as we learned from Liaofan's Four Lessons, we need to reflect every day to see what we did wrong. We then determine how not to repeat the mistake and how to, instead, improve in our virtuous behavior.
So if someone is angry at me, and strikes out at me, I need to understand this is a karmic enmity, and I need to do everything possible to let it go. Seeing the suffering of the other person, who most likely knows nothing of cause and effect, I need to try to let go for both of us. Unless my compassion is complete, anger will remain and fester until it rises again. And yes, I agree, this is easier to do when we don't encounter the person every day. But practicing with "strangers" help us develop the skills to interact more wisely and patiently with co-workers and family members.
In the incident in Kingaroy, the person may be a "stranger" in this life, but not in the past. In the past, we knew each other and allowed anger to grow. By understanding what happened and why it happened, I can at least lessen it by not feeding that anger more fuel.
Yes, everything is destined. Everything that happened yesterday, today, and tomorrow. But my future is what I am now creating. Knowing what negative events occurred today, I can change my behavior by being even more mindful in what I do. That realization coupled with my performance of meritorious acts will gradually allow me to change my future. I'm not stuck with my destiny. I have the ability to change it. As did Yuan Liaofan.
Amituofo
This is not something we want to have company in! When we realize that this is karma induced, not just random acts by some teenage miscreants, we can see how much anger is present today and not always somewhere else.
This gives rise to many opportunities for learning, sharing and caring. For this i am thankful.
Living an ordinary life really makes Dharma come alive.
Ugly events make me dig deep inside so as not to react mindlessly, it takes lots of self-control, patience and practice (amitoufou practice).
The following prose have helped me to come closer to the realization of WHY we respond with patience and love when our front quarter panel is scratched or why we offer up another door to be scratched. Never really understood it before now.
Even though those who cause harm are clueless of their actions and would no doubt do it over and over again we are aware. We are aware of the agony they will face for their actions. Not wishing pain and suffering for anyone, compassion is created in my heart for those who create ugly events. Sounds simple, hard to practice, (unless you have had to live a bit of hell on earth or even endure some earthly agony).
Oh, by the way the repentence prayer is a great reminder on action that could be taken! Thanks:)
No Time to Lose written by Pema Chodron
6:42
I it was who in past
Did harm to beings such as these,
And so, when others do mischief,
It is only just that they should injure me.
6:47
Those who harm me come against me,
Summoned by my evil karma.
But they will be the ones who go to hell,
And so it is myself who bring their ruin.
6:48
Because of them, and through the exercise of patience,
My many sins are cleansed and purified.
But they will be the ones who, thanks to me,
Will have the long-drawn agonies of hell.
6:49
Therefore, I am their tormentor!
Therefore it is they who bring me benefit!
Thus with what pervisity, pernicious mind,
Will you be angry with your enemies?
6:50
For if a patient quality of mind
Is mine, I shall avoid the pains of hell.
But though indeed I save myself,
What of my foes, what fate's in store for them?
Amitoufou,
anybody
I am sorry to read this has happened to your car. I am glad though it was your car rather than you!
When thinking about what to write to you, I considered what can we actually know about what happened? There was damage to the car and there were strong feelings and thoughts about an enemy.
Very natural I think! Who can say what the karma is here? It may be personal, it may be someone was following their delluded mind and your car was just there. It may be the karma is exhausted in the act of damaging your car.
A conclusion I am (reluctantly) coming to is that we cannot change another person directly. In what ever the reality is that confronts us we bring to that reality our highest values. When the feelings of fear and anger come (I am talking to myself here too!) can we 'bow' into them?
This doesn't mean we do not take sensible precautions! (Big friends and more supervised parking places seem reasonable ideas!).
Some years ago my car was attacked by a gang whilst I was in it with my son. A lot of damage was done and the police did nothing. I was very angry for a while and 'friends' talked about getting revenge as 'a man should'. This was a karmic crossroads for me. I chose to not take revenge and consider the matter closed. Even though it was my car that was attacked, I was the one with a choice. (One choice was to not drive in that area at that time of night!).
I hope some of this is useful,
best wishes,
Richard
www.lifechoicemeditation.com
Okay, since there aren't safer parking spots, I'll start looking for the big friend. Actually I had a perfect one but he moved away.
Agreed. It's difficult enough to change ourselves. A major way to change is to let go of both the anger as well as that wish to act as "a man should." Your admirable choice to think and act more cautiously was beneficial to you, your son, and would-be assailants.
Looking back, it's interesting to see karma at work. Celine and Charles have been going to Kingaroy for years to do their shopping. I have driven three times.
Thank you for that poem by Venerable Pema Chodron. Very powerful!!