Often, others see the benefits
of our practicing Buddhism before we do.

Before becoming a nun, I would take my mother and her friend Ruth to run errands. When Ruth asked if I had changed since becoming a Buddhist, my mother told her how I seemed much happier. And more patient. She continued at some length, talking about how much calmer I was, how much easier I was to get along with. Much more patient. 

Finally, I interjected, “I couldn’t have been that bad before!” (But apparently, I was.) We laughed, and they moved on to another subject. 

I have come to realize that we may well not be the best judge of whether we are making progress. Maybe we’re expecting, or hoping for, a dramatic change. Maybe we’re being too hard on ourselves to be able to judge impartially.

Those who know us well will happily notice that we’re more at ease with others and more enjoyable to be with. So if we want to know if we are making any progress, it might be better to ask those who know us well. 

Just be prepared for the answer!

Do you have time to chant? . . .

Reasons we are reborn as a family:

kindness, revenge, and debts.

The causes of affinity are manifold. The Buddha grouped them into four categories: to repay kindness, to exact revenge, to collect a debt, and to repay a debt. If a particular affinity is powerful, we’ll be reborn in the same family. If lighter, as friends. Lighter still? Then we’ll interact to some degree.

Say we had been kind to someone in past lifetimes, this person could now be in our family to repay that kindness. When we encounter trouble, she is the one helping us wholeheartedly.

What if we had been unkind? We will have a person who dislikes us, so often insulting and even slandering us. He has come for revenge.

If the person defrauds or robs us of our money or belongings, she is collecting a debt.

If someone helps us make money so that we become well off financially, he is repaying a debt.

Examples of cause and effect for the four basic kinds of affinities are numerous, but we can appreciate the general idea—we need to nurture good relationships and resolve enmities.

A time to test and a time to . . .