I Couldn't Have Been that Bad (Could I?)

I was reading a post on another Buddhist blog and the entry was about personal progress. The writer thought that he hadn’t made any.

We ourselves are often not be the best one to determine this.

Before I became a nun, I would take my mother and her friend, Ruth, shopping and running errands with me. It was still early days in my practice and I hadn’t noticed any change. But my mother knew me very well. When Ruth asked if there had been any change in me since I became a Buddhist, my mother went on at some length about how I was happier and much more patient now.

She went on at such length saying how much calmer and easier to get along with I was since practicing Buddhism that I finally interjected that I couldn’t have been that bad before! (Apparently I had been worse than I thought.) Mom, Ruth, and I laughed and they cheerfully moved on to another subject.

What I now realize is that we may not be the best judge of whether we are making progress. Maybe we are expecting, or hoping for, a dramatic change. Maybe we are being too hard on ourselves to judge impartially. Those who spend time with us and know us well are just happy to notice that we more at ease with ourselves and more patient with them.

So if we want to know if we are making any progress, it might be better to ask those who know us well. But be prepared for a lengthy and detailed answer!

Gossip

When we gossip about others it may feel that we are not doing any real harm. After all, what we say will most likely never be heard by the person we are talking about. So what's the harm?

When we engage in idle gossip about others, we waste our time and energy as well as the time and energy of those who are listening to us.  If we were saying good things about the person, we would be praising them not gossiping about them, so the likelihood is that we are saying something unfavorable. Even if what we say is just not particularly kind, even an unkind thought is negative and plants another negative seed, as we commit another negative karma.

Also when we gossip, we don't have any sense of fulfillment.  We didn't accomplish anything, and worse, we lost sight of our aspiration to awaken and help others awaken.

Finally, just as we view those who gossip as untrustworthy, our engaging in gossip deems us untrustworthy in the eyes of others.  So good people will pull back from talking to us and, eventually, only those who do not value integrity will want to spend time with us.

On Gossiping

• From the perspective of practice, the major problem of criticizing others is not “whether he is in fact wrong and I am right,” but the fact that our ears and eyes are already making judgments and our minds are closed to everything but our own perceptions. Further, we are creating negative karma through the incipience of our ideas and depriving ourselves of merits. Therefore, our six sensual organs are like six thieves, and the purpose of practice is to prevent them from wildly pursuing the sense objects so that we can close the door to vexation. We should train our ears not to crave for pleasant melodies; eyes, agreeable surroundings; nose, fragrance; mouth, tasty food; and train our minds to be free of discrimination. Then we can concentrate on reciting the Buddha’s name and the sutras, performing prostration, sitting meditation, and other practices that will liberate us from the cycle of birth and death. If we keep up these practices, how could we have the time and the mood to pursue external distractions, or to comment on how others behave?
• If you criticize others and your mind is disturbed or vexed by it, you would have no one but yourself to blame. Do not be judgmental of what others do: be tolerant. Then, not only will you enjoy peace of mind but will avoid creating negative karma through your words. This is the first and utmost important principle in practice. Remember: “Act according to (rather than against) circumstances, forbear everything, then enjoy peace of mind.” This is the best antidote for a troubled mind.
• Don’t say that there are good people and evil ones. All judgments are but distinctions made by our minds. To those who really know how to practice, all sentient beings are helpful mentors.

~ Analects of Master Kuang-ch'in 

Wandering or Proper?

 

Question: I have difficulty telling wandering thoughts from proper thoughts. How do I differentiate between them?

Response: Wandering thoughts are selfish thoughts of benefiting oneself. Proper thoughts are thoughts of solely benefiting others. To determine which we are having, we need to examine our intentions. Am I doing something just to help another or is there some bit of selfishness involved. It takes mindfulness and honest examination to root out our true intention, and lots of practice.

It is like slowly peeling away the layers of an onion. With each layer we think, is this my true intention or is there something more underneath?

Peace and Quiet, Literally

After arriving in Australia last month, I caught a cold or something and after several days lost my voice. I felt a familiar sense of calm relief and remembered a similar occurrence in Singapore.

At that time, I realized that since I couldn't speak, I couldn't say anything wrong! I couldn't say anything I would regret later.  I was saved from committing any negative verbal karma. For once, it was guaranteed that I couldn't get myself into trouble. Amazing. What a relief!

I carried a pad with me to be able to communicate, and soon realized that it would be extremely difficult to have an argument with someone if you couldn't speak. Talking is easy and quickly done. Writing takes much more time! Blurting out angry words is instantaneous. Having to write them down, you will quickly conclude that an argument is just more trouble than it's worth. It would be much easier to smile and get along with the other person.

As another nun pointed out, losing one's voice was an extreme way of not committing verbal karmas and not all that practical as advice. Fortunately, we don't need to lose our voice to achieve the same result. We can just talk less—a lot less.

As I learned that day, most of the talking we think is necessary is, in reality, completely unnecessary.