Making the Situation Worse

If we react to a situation in which people are already angry by becoming angry ourselves, then we are making the situation worse. We will have allowed another’s anger to destroy our peace of mind and rob us of our mind of compassion.

If we fall into the habit of proceeding from bitter­ness and anger, then we will be reacting out of blind, destructive emotion. When we do this, we are not helping anyone—not the other person, not ourselves—because we will become emotionally ensnared in the other person’s situation. If we can remain calm, we will have a much better chance of successfully utilizing our innate wisdom and thus knowing how to be truly helpful.

Renting Instead of Owning

If our body really belonged to us, it would obey our commands. If we say, "Don't get old," or "I forbid you to get sick," does it obey us? No! It takes no notice. We only rent this "house," not own it. If we think it does belong to us, we will suffer when we have to leave it. But in reality, there is no such things as a permanent self, nothing unchanging or solid that we can hold on to.

~ Ajahn Chah

Our Grief is Our Own

 

Question: I am deeply sorrowed and devastated by the Death of my Mother. I chanted "Namo Amitabha Buddha" hundreds of times repeatedly twice a day for almost 49 days since my beloved Mother died on Jan. 1, 2008 and I "asked" the Amitabha Buddha to witness/certify that I was transferring merits to my Mother and that with His Great Compassion He would help deliver my Mother to His Pure Land. I tried to connect my thought with my Mother and talked with her as though she was still alive to remind her of her good deeds and her "connection/involvement" with Buddhism when she was alive. I asked my Mother to think of Amitabha Buddha and chant His name and ask to be delivered to the Pure Land.

My burning question is to know where Mother is now. I need confirmation. Please, please help. Will she contact me...? How can I get in touch with her? I am like a lost bleeding soul wandering about life now that my Mother is gone. I missed Her so, so, so, so much. I want my Mother back. I deeply regret that I didn't do enough to help around when she was alive. Where is my Mother now? Please, please reply.

Thank you so much for your time.

Response: I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. So often when people write to me, I reply as best I can but explain that I am unable to truly feel what they are experiencing. But in responding to you, I can honestly say that I do understand how you feel. And that I am truly sorry for your loss and your suffering.

My mother died October 8, 2006. I too chanted for forty-nine days and tried to form a connection with her, to talk with her as if she was still with me and to encourage her to go to the Pure Land.

Like you, my burning thought was “Where is she now?” The thought that she might be suffering, the not knowing where she was caused me much pain. I too missed my mother, and still miss her, so very much. I too regretted that I didn’t do all that I could. I also regretted that I was not as patient as I should have been and that I was not a better daughter. So Peter, I do know your suffering.

That said, I do not have the ability to know where my mother—or your mother—is. I do not know whether your mother will contact you. But I do know we need to let our mother’s move on to their next life, whether it is in the Pure Land or again within samsara. Our grief is our own, we do not want it to pull our mothers back to us for that would cause them further suffering. Knowing we did not do as much as we could when they were alive, we need to try to do as much as we can now.

Please know that it may not be ours to know where our mothers now are. Also know that the suffering from your loss will ease. That sounds trite but it is true. I speak from experience. When my mother died, I wrote some entries here in the blog in the hope they would help others just a little bit. A few of them are here, here, and here. The rest are under the categories death and grief.
 

Killing to Save

Question: Please help me with this dilemma. Malaria has caused immense suffering and poverty in the developing world. Two million, four hundred and thirty thousand infants, pending mothers and their untallied unborn die every year due to mosquito bites. Is it permitted to use DDT 1. Repel 2. Irritate 3. If those fail to kill the mosquito to save these lives?

Response: In everything we do, we need to consider not just the immediate results but the long-range consequences as well. Something that appears to do good today, but causes harm in the future is not good.

DDT has been banned in many countries because it is so toxic. It kills not only mosquitoes but other insects, animals, and even humans. It poisons groundwater and the soil. There is still DDT in soil where the use of DDT was banned thirty year ago. Along with many other man-made toxins, DDT collects in the fat cells of humans and other animals. These toxins are believed to be a cause of our increasing rates of cancers and other illnesses.

So before we take any action we need to understand exactly what we are doing and see if there are better alternatives. For example, my knowledge of malaria is limited but I have heard that mosquito nets have helped reduce the number of cases of malaria in children.

Because everything is inter-related our actions do not exist in isolation. By modifying one thing, we start a chain of events that ripple out. We now know that especially in nature; even one minor action will have widespread affects. Our failure to consider this has created many of the environmental problems we are facing today. These environmental problems cause many people to suffer, many people to die.

So before we act, we need to very carefully consider the possible outcomes.

Do the Right Thing

From Sharon Astyk's blog "Casaubon's Book": 

My friend Pat Meadows, a very, very smart woman, has a wonderful idea she calls “The Theory of Anyway.” What it entails is this - she argues that 95% of what is needed to resolve the coming crisis in energy depletion, or climate change, or whatever is what we should do anyway, and when in doubt about how to change, we should change our lives to reflect what we should be doing “Anyway.” Living more simply, more frugally, using less, leaving reserves for others, reconnecting with our food and our community, these are things we should be doing because they are the right thing to do on many levels. That they also have the potential to save our lives is merely a side benefit (a big one, though).

This is, I think, a deeply powerful way of thinking because it is a deeply moral way of thinking - we would like to think of ourselves as moral people, but we tend to think of moral questions as the obvious ones “should I steal or pay?” “Should I hit or talk?” But the real and most essential moral questions of our lives are the questions we rarely ask of the things we do every day, “Should I eat this?” “Where should I live and how?” “What should I wear?” “How should I keep warm/cool?” We think of these questions as foregone conclusions - I should keep warm X way because that’s the kind of furnace I have, or I should eat this because that’s what’s in the grocery store. Pat’s Theory of Anyway turns this around, and points out that what we do, the way we live, must pass ethical muster first - we must always ask the question “Is this contributing to the repair of the world, or its destruction.”

So if you told me that tomorrow, peak oil had been resolved, I’d still keep gardening, hanging my laundry, cutting back and trying to find a way to make do with less. Because even if we found enough oil to power our society for a thousand years, there would still be climate change, and it would be *wrong* of me to choose my own convenience over the security and safety of my children and other people’s children. And if you told me tomorrow that we’d fixed climate change, that we could power our lives forever with renewables, I would still keep gardening and living frugally. Because our agriculture is premised on depleted soil and aquifers, and we’re facing a future in which many people don’t have enough food and water if we keep eating this way, and to allow that to happen would be a betrayal of what I believe is right. And if you told me that we’d fixed that problem too, that we were no longer depleting our aquifers and expanding the dead zone in the Gulf of Mexico, I’d still keep gardening and telling others to do the same, because our reliance on food from other nations, and our economy impoverishes and starves millions, even billions of poor people and creates massive economic inequities that do tremendous harm. And if you told me that globalization was over, and that we were going to create a just economic system, and we’d fixed all the other problems, and that I didn’t have to worry anymore, would I then stop gardening?

No. Because the nurture of my piece of land would still be the right thing to do. Doing things with no more waste than is absolutely necessary would still be the right thing to do. The creation of a fertile, sustainable, lasting place of beauty would still be my right work in the world. I would still be a Jew, obligated by G-d to Tikkun Olam, to “the repair of the world.” I would still be obligated to live in way that prevented wildlife from being run to extinction and poisons contaminating the earth. I would still be obligated to make the most of what I have and reduce my needs so they represent a fair share of what the earth has to offer. I would still be obligated to treat poor people as my siblings, and you do not live comfortably when your siblings suffer or have less. I am obligated to live rightly, in part because of what living rightly gives me - integrity, honor, joy, a better relationship with my diety of choice, peace.

There are people out there who are prepared to step forward and give up their cars, start growing their own food, stop consuming so much and stop burning fossil fuels…just as soon as peak oil, or climate change, or government rationing, or some external force makes them. But that, I believe is the wrong way to think about this. We can’t wait for others to tell us, or the disaster to befall us. We have to do now, do today, do with all our hearts, the things we should have been doing “Anyway” all along.