Truth or Idle Gossip?

In class on Monday, we were discussing how we often jump to conclusions based on our own opinions. Unfortunately, we know little about what is going on in the minds of others, so our views tend to be inaccurate.

An example was given of a woman whose daughter was named Amelia Earhart. Naturally people wondered why the mother would give her daughter this name. We can probably imagine what people wondered about. Did the daughter like being named for a famous person? Did the kids at school tease her? Would she have liked a less noticeable name?

Many years after learning of the name, Melissa told us that she learned how the name had come about. The mother had been married to a man with a fairly common name, so had thoughtfully named her daughter Amelia so part of her name would be more unusual. Some time later Amelia's parents were divorced and, eventually, the mother remarried. The man's name was Earhart. The man loved Amelia and wanted to adopt her and give her his name. This is how the daughter became "Amelia Earhart".

We know so little but that rarely keeps us from forming conclusions about other people. But our understanding is limited even though our conclusions may be prolific.

We really need to wait until we have all the facts.

An Image of Amitabha for Someone Who is Dying

 

Question: When someone is dying, is it important to show the person an image of Amitabha Buddha? Where can I get one?

Response: If the person was a Pure Land Buddhist, it is extremely important to have a picture or statue of Amitabha Buddha for them to see and focus on. Normally, the image never goes at the foot of the bed, but when a person is dying it needs to be placed or hung so the practitioner can easily see it. So at the foot of the bed is permissible at this time.

If the person does not have any religious beliefs, but in their final days they learn of the Pure Land teachings and wish to be reborn there, an image can be obtained from a Pure Land practice center. If there is no center close by, an image can be obtained from the Amitabha Buddhist Society of USA or the Amitabha Buddhist Library in Chicago. Also, you might find a society closer to you by checking on the list at Amitbaha Pureland.

But we need to remember that it is exceptionally rare for a person who never knew or practiced the teachings to do so in their final days. For this to happen, they need extraordinarily good roots, causes and conditions. So, it would be wise to take an opportunity to speak with a person when they were still well and not wait till their last moments.

If the person had other beliefs, we need to respect them. This is not the time to try to "convert" someone. Encourage them to go to heaven if that is their wish. Remind them of all the good things they have done in their lives and do what you can to help them die peacefully.

 

Life’s Daily Annoyances and Frustrations

In the Diamond Sutra, we read of a bodhisattva who was viciously attacked and killed while he was meditating quietly on a moun­tain. But due to his level of understanding and his calm, clear mind, he felt no anger, no hatred.

I think it is safe to say that few of us are at that level. We have trouble dealing with everyday minor problems. For example, one where someone cuts us off as we are driving down the road. This happens all the time. Instead of acting out of anger by blowing the horn or trying to speed up to cut the other person off, how might we react?

Recently, a young woman told me that she practices patience while driving. She allows herself ample time to arrive at her destination. This enables her to drive at a moderate speed. If someone cuts her off, no problem! Not in a rush, she is able to remain unaffected by the carelessness or rudeness of others. She might arrive at her destination a few minutes later than if she had been speeding and weaving in and out of traffic, but it is worth it because she arrives in a calm, happy mood.

These are the situations we encounter—life’s daily annoyances and frustrations. Whether it be the rudeness of the clerk in a store, the telemarketer we cannot get rid of, or the person at work who always argues with us, these are the real-life circumstances that we encounter countless times during the day. These are the very times when we should practice what the Buddha spoke of.

Mind of compasion

One time, the Buddha told the monks that they were to keep permeating the person who spoke to them out of ill will with an awareness imbued with good will.

Beginning with that person, they were to keep pervading the all-encompassing world with an awareness imbued with good will—abundant, expansive, immeasurable, free from hostility, and free from ill will.

We too can work with this practice. Initially, we can start this training with those who are close to us: family and friends who care for us. We start here because it is easier for us to love those who love us and who are kind to us. It is much more difficult to love those whom we have negative feelings for.

Once we establish this mind of compassion and goodwill for family and friends, we can then begin to expand it to include people we casually encounter, people whom we have no strong positive or negative feelings for. Accomplishing this, we can broaden this mind of benevolence to include people we dislike, and eventually even those we hate.

If we can keep widening this mind, we will gradually be able to accommodate many others in an ever-widening circle. Then, we can open up this caring mind to include all beings throughout the universe. The more encompassing this caring mind is, the greater our respect for all beings and all things will be.

We do not Know

If we are sympathetic to others’ welfare while maintaining goodwill, commiseration, and loving-kindness for all people, then we will not judge others. We will not say that this person is right and that person is wrong because we will come to understand that we do not know what is really happening, that we will likely mis­take falsity for truth. But if we are able to regard both friend and foe with sympathy and loving-kindness, we will then be able to practice the nonjudgmental, unconditional giving of love and thus wish for all beings to be happy.