Buddhism warns of what is called the three lifetimes.” We might think of them as striving, indulging, and paying the terrible price.

In the "first" lifetime, a person strives to be good. Having little, he still gives selflessly. He soothes others’ fears and worries, and remains ever vigilant to their needs. Not interested in praise or renown, his only thought is to help others and, in some way, to ease their suffering. Due to his beneficence, he accumulates good fortune. Over time, he continues to avail himself of the increasing opportunities to help others. And so, as he becomes a benefactor to uncountable people, he accumulates great good fortune.

In the "second" lifetime, due to all his great good fortune, he becomes arrogant. After all, he now has status, wealth, power. There’s much to be proud of. Caught up in personal indulgence, he not only ignores but may even mock others’ suffering. Instead of watching for opportunities to help, he pursues opportunities to wield his power, to awe others, to control. To create fear and to dominate. One with great power and position can wreak havoc on the lives of millions, even billions.

And what of all those people he previously helped? And of a lifetime they have no memory of and would most likely dismiss the very idea of having happened? The seeds of gratitude toward that once thoughtful and generous individual may blossom. Their gratitude can become unshakable, and loyalty knows no limits.

In the "third" lifetime, having squandered his good fortune and created untold suffering, our once selfless and then egoistic individual is reborn in the hell path to undergo the consequences of his actions in that tragically common “second” lifetime.

Today, it can be helpful to recall what Etty Hillesum, a Jewess awaiting deportation to Auschwitz during the Holocaust, wrote, “One moment it is Hitler, the next it is Ivan the Terrible; one moment it is Inquisition and the next war, pestilence, earthquake, or famine. Ultimately, what matters most is to bear the pain, to cope with it, and to keep a small corner of one’s soul unsullied, come what may.”

Amituofo, Amituofo, Amituofo . . .

Viewing our loss

as a positive for another.

We can feel a sense of loss when something does not work out as we hope. We do not get the promotion that we feel we are entitled to. Our soccer team makes it to the finals only to lose to our longstanding rivals. Again. We finally work up the courage to ask someone out only to be told that he just started seeing someone.

In these and many other circumstances, as disappointment sets in, we feel we have lost. That we didn’t get what we wanted. And deserved. This initial reaction is understandable. We worked hard for the promotion, practiced all year for the soccer finals, took the time to help that wary person feel safe with us. And what happened?

We were rejected. We lost.

But what if we could look at this from a broader perspective? A coworker got a promotion. A team that also practiced hard won the championship. And maybe the special person has at long last found his soulmate.

Reminding ourselves that our conditions just weren’t right, let’s try to be happy for those whose conditions were.

From Rage to Forgiveness: What Lies Between (Part Eleven)

Our lives will never be perfect . . .