Good Spiritual Friend

 

“A good spiritual friend who will help us to stay on the path, with whom we can discuss our differences frankly, sure of a compassionate response, provides an important support system which is often lacking. Although people live and practice together, one-upmanship often comes between them. A really good friend is like a mountain guide. The spiritual path is like climbing a mountain: we don't really know what we will find at the summit. We have only heard that it is beautiful, everybody is happy there, the view is magnificent and the air unpolluted. If we have a guide who has already climbed the mountain, he can help us avoid falling into a crevasse, or slipping on loose stones, or getting off the path. The one common antidote for all our hindrances is noble friends and noble conversations, which are health food for the mind.”

~ Ayya Khema, When the Iron Eagle Flies

 

Can I Help?

Our thoughts can be converted in a second.

Imagine yourself rushing to class with an armful of books, the coffee you just bought, and your purse. Suddenly, somebody bumps into you and you lose your balance. You throw out your arms to try to stop yourself from falling and manage to catch yourself. But in the attempt your books go flying in all directions, your coffee cup falls to the walkway spilling its contents, and your purse opens and all the contents fall out. 

You turn around to yell at the idiot who caused this. You're about to yell "What's wrong with you! Why don't you look where you're going!" but you catch yourself. You're looking at an elderly woman who has fallen to the ground. She looks like she is about to cry. In an instant, you rush to her "Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself? Can I help you get up?"

If we could see as clearly the suffering and unhappiness behind the actions of others, we will be much less inclined to allow those feelings of irritation and self-pity to arise. Instead, we will be trying to find out if others are alright, if they are hurt, if they can help themselves or if they need our help.

Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Not

How do you deal with the death of your spouse? How would you feel if you lost your mother tomorrow? Or your sister or your closest friend? Suppose you lost your job, your savings, and the use of your legs, on the same day; could you face the prospect of spending the rest of your life in a wheelchair? How.... will you deal with your own death, when that approaches? You may escape most of these misfortunes, but you won’t escape all of them.... You can suffer through things like that or you can face them openly—The choice is yours. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is not. Pain and suffering are two different animals. If any of these tragedies strike you in your present state of mind, you will suffer.... Buddhism does advise you to invest some of your time and energy in learning to deal with unpleasantness, because some pain is unavoidable. When you see a truck bearing down on you, by all means jump out of the way. But spend some time in meditation, too. Learning to deal with discomfort is the only way you'll be ready to handle the truck you didn't see.

~Ven. Henepola Gunaratana, Mindfulness in Plain English

From Suffering to Compassion

If, when we empathize with the suffering of others, we take in that suffering and feel overwhelmed by it, we may believe our feelings are those of compassion. But taking in the suffering of others will result in our feeling emotionally drained. Our efforts to help will prove ineffective and lead to our feeling disappointment and frustration.

What we don’t yet realize is that we have been reacting with negative energy, not compassion. Compassion is positive energy that results in joy. When we express our compassion, we are able to comfort others, able to help them end their suffering.

So if we are feel suffering at the pain of others, we need to understand that while this is a normal reaction, it is not the ideal reaction and it is not compassion. How can we help others who are in pain if we too become overwhelmed by that pain? They will appreciate we deeply empathize with them, but they will not receive any positive help. And without such help, they will not be any closer to ending their suffering.

Just as we train to not become immersed in our own suffering, we need to do the same with the suffering of other. When we do this, we can progress to feeling compassion. With compassion, we will feel positive energy and will be able to find ways to help others.

The Prodigal Who Returns Home

"In the Visualization Sutra we learn that in ancient India, King Ajatasatru killed his father, attempted to kill his mother, and caused dissension in the Sangha. He would stop at nothing. At the last moment of his life, with just one remaining breath, the king truly regretted and attained single-mindedness of Buddha Amitabha as he sought rebirth into the Pure Land. He was reborn into the second highest level of the Pure Land. Inconceivable!

From this, we know that there are two ways to be reborn into the Pure Land. One way is to cultivate and accumulate merits and virtues daily, and to follow the regular way of practice to seek rebirth into the Pure Land. The other way is for those who have committed egregious evil deeds to feel intense regret at the last moments of their life.

Therefore, do not look down on those who have committed wrongdoings. Perhaps at the last moment of their lives, their ability to feel deep remorse will be so strong that they may attain a higher level of rebirth than we can. This is very possible. It is said that a prodigal who returns home is more precious than gold. Ordinary people cannot be compared with them. Thus, we cannot look down on those who have committed wrongdoings."

~ Master Chin Kung