A Caregiver’s Good Fortune 

Being a caregiver can be exhausting and frustrating. The hours are long and the work often lonely. With their freedom diminished, caregivers can feel trapped by circumstances that they cannot control.

The person they care for may well have a condition from which he or she will not recover. So the caregiver has to often handle growing feelings of impending loss and the resultant grief. Uncertainty and fear are given constants. A care- giver—even one who starts out with love and enthusiasm—can begin to feel overwhelmed, saddened, and powerless. But even in this most chal- lenging situation, there can be joy and gratitude. 

How often have we heard someone say, after the death of a loved one, “I thought I had more time.” Thinking that, the person didn’t get around to visiting or even to calling very often. There were other things to do. An urgent project at work, a weekend away with friends, daily tasks to be done.

And, after all, there was enough time. 

And then suddenly one day, it was too late. There was no more time.  

No more time to go over photos together and hear the family stories again. No more time for visits on a cold winter night with a cup of tea and “Remember when . . .?” moments. No chance to look into the loved one’s eyes and to thank them, and for them to smile and say “Thank you” back. No more time for joy and gratitude. But much time for regret. 

And the caregiver? The caregiver had time aplenty! So many ways to say “Thank you.” So much time to share that cup of tea. So many opportunities to hug a parent or a spouse and say “I want to do this” and “I’m not going to leave you.” So many ways to wordlessly say “Don’t be afraid. I’m here.” So much time for the unexpected silliness and the shared laughter. So many wonderful memories. 

And much less need for regret.