One Step at a Time

Question: As a former Christian, when I chant "Amituofo" feelings of doubt, guilt and fears arise in my mind. While chanting can clear these thoughts away in the moment, my question is...how long should it take for these "bad seeds" to be burned? Will there always be such feelings periodically, or should I expect them to vanish permanently after a time?

Response: Once in Malaysia, we went to climb a small mountain. Some of the climbers even referred to it as "hill." To me it was abundantly clear from my perspective at the bottom that it was a BIG MOUNTAIN and for some unfathomable reason we were climbing up the side that went straight up. (Fortunately, we got there before dawn and I could only see a little way up. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.)

But whatever it was--a small mountain, hill, big mountain--we were supposed to climb it.

After years of computer work, I was definitely not in shape to undertake such a climb. But there was no way that I was going to give up and admit defeat. (Probably a combination of perseverance with a healthy dash of ego here. ;-))

Rather than look up and try to see how much further I had to go, I just focused on taking the next step. No more than that. Just the next step. I thus climbed one step at a time. Eventually, I reached the top of the mountain.

It was an invaluable lesson.

Don't try to do the calculations of how long it will take, don't look too far ahead and give in to doubt, just keep taking the next step. Gradually doubts, fears, and worries will recede. And with time, we will reach our goal.

Comments

[Buck]

I understand this person's question completely. I was raised in a very small, ultra-conservative Church of Christ atmosphere. We (my sister and I) heard more about hell, eternal punishment, "wrath of God" than we did anything else. Fear and doubt was a part of everyday life, we were taught that Jesus was to return literally any minute and when he did, throw everyone in hell except those that believed exactly as our church did. They didn't even believe other Christians were going to heaven, only this exclusive little group.

Anyway, I left in my teens and had all kinds of problems. OCD being the main one. It took going to four different "shrinks" to finally get the correct diagnosis. And he said that my particular form of OCD was somewhat common and was usually seen in people that had grown up in an atmosphere similar to the one I just described.

I drifted for years, and finally found Buddhism. Pure Land Buddhism. Reading Venerable Wuling's blog here has been a TREMENDOUS help. More help than I could even put into words. The answer given to this question is excellent advice. One step at a time and don't get caught up in worrying about the future too much. I read her posts all the time, and when I am having a particularly hard time (OCD causes severe anxiety for me at times) I come to this site and go through the archives. By the time I am done reading, I always feel better. I am now 44 years old, still have days when everything seems amiss, but the advice here of one day at a time and one step at a time works.

Thank you for this question and answer! And thank you Venerable Wuling for what you do!

Buck Britt

[Venerable Wuling]

Buck,

Thank you for commenting here. I honestly did not see how I was going to make it to the top of the hill; it seemed impossible. One man remained with me while the others thoughtfully went on ahead. I don't know who was more shocked (and we won't even go into the feelings of relief ;-)) when I stood on the top--me or everyone else.

Looking up I was doomed. Focusing on just the next step was the only way to go forward.

Know the goal, but don't let the distance to it overwhelm.

[johnb]

I was raised in a traditional, conservative Catholic home, so I too had all the same doubts and fears (of eternal damnation). I found that as my understanding of life and my place in it broadened and deepened those old ideas became smaller and less significant and simply fell away. Maybe they have their place in an early stage of spiritual development to control human behavior and impose morality, but as the big picture slowly comes into view and one's true nature is awakened they are seen simply as inferior, erroneous concepts. Personally I don't see any conflict between Christ's actual teachings (his own words as found in the Gospels) and those of the Buddha. Only the perspective and the audience were different. There are differnt paths to the same destination.

[chee wah kuan]

Knowing & Cultivating Buddhism is the highest joy of life and the ultimate goal of is to become Buddha, our original self nature.

http://cheewahkuan.blogspot.com/