The Luck of the Caregiver

  

 

Being a caregiver can be exhausting and frustrating. The hours are long and the work often lonely. Caregivers lose their freedom and can feel trapped by circumstances they no longer control. The patient may well have a condition from which he or she will not recover, so the caregiver often has to handle growing feelings of loss and the resultant grief. And fear.

A caregiver—even one who starts out with love and enthusiasm—can quickly feel overwhelmed, saddened, and powerless.

But even in this most difficult situation, there can be joy and gratitude.

How often have we heard someone say after the death of a parent, “I thought I had more time.” Thinking there would be enough time in the future, the person didn’t get around to visiting or even to call very often. They had other commitments. They were busy at work or at home. They had things they had looked forward to doing. And after all, there was enough time.

And then suddenly one day, it was too late. There was no more time.

There was no more time to go over photos together and hear the family stories again. No time for visits on a cold winter night with a cup of tea and “Remember when...?” No chance to look into the loved one’s eyes and say thank you, and for them to smile and say "thank you" back. No more time for joy and gratitude.

Too much time for regret.

But the caregiver?

The caregiver has so much time! So many ways to say thank you. So much time to share a cup of tea. So many opportunities to hug a parent or a spouse and say, "I want to do this" and "I’m not going to leave you." So many ways to say without words, “Don’t be afraid, I’m here.” So much time for the unexpected silliness and shared laughter. So many wonderful memories.

And little need for regret.