I Couldn't Have Been that Bad (Could I?)

I was reading a post on another Buddhist blog and the entry was about personal progress. The writer thought that he hadn’t made any.

We ourselves are often not be the best one to determine this.

Before I became a nun, I would take my mother and her friend, Ruth, shopping and running errands with me. It was still early days in my practice and I hadn’t noticed any change. But my mother knew me very well. When Ruth asked if there had been any change in me since I became a Buddhist, my mother went on at some length about how I was happier and much more patient now.

She went on at such length saying how much calmer and easier to get along with I was since practicing Buddhism that I finally interjected that I couldn’t have been that bad before! (Apparently I had been worse than I thought.) Mom, Ruth, and I laughed and they cheerfully moved on to another subject.

What I now realize is that we may not be the best judge of whether we are making progress. Maybe we are expecting, or hoping for, a dramatic change. Maybe we are being too hard on ourselves to judge impartially. Those who spend time with us and know us well are just happy to notice that we more at ease with ourselves and more patient with them.

So if we want to know if we are making any progress, it might be better to ask those who know us well. But be prepared for a lengthy and detailed answer!