Where was Choice?

After last night's Dharma talk, in which I had spoken of our having choices, a question was posed by someone whose close friend had just been in an accident.

To save the woman’s life, the doctors had to amputate her legs.

My listener asked where was the choice in her friend's life? She had not chosen to be in an accident. She had not wanted to lose both her legs. Where was choice in all this?

Choice is what happens now. The friend’s pain is the accident and the loss of her legs. Her suffering is what she is now undergoing—the myriad emotions and thoughts that have to be assailing her every moment. Perhaps her suffering is anger at the driver of the other car. Perhaps it is anger at herself for not having done something differently. Perhaps it is “Why me?” Perhaps it is that anguished "If only" that we all think after something terrible happens in our lives. 

At some point, after the shock and initial reactions, there will be choice. There comes a time after the trauma of tragedy that our shock begins to ease and we gradually stop reacting numbly from our grief. At that point we will realize that we do have choices. At the core of these choices is a question. Do I hold on to my suffering, or do I understand its cause and determine what direction I will now move in.

Pain is an integral part of life. Suffering is our reaction to it. Choice determines how long and deeply we will suffer from our pain.