Disorganization and Reorganization, Part Two

After the stages of shock, protest, and disorganization in the process of grief and healing comes the final stage—reorganization.

The numbness begins to ease and the happy memories are less frequently followed by feelings of loss or of regrets. When we come across a photograph, we can smile while remembering how happy the person was when the photo was taken. Perhaps it was when we had done something special with them, and they had always treasured that memory. Knowing the happiness of the moment, we know we gave the person a gift of love. And if sadness threatens to return, we have become much more skilled at softly saying "No."

Reorganization is a time of changing direction. The time for looking back with thoughts of "Why didn't I do better?" and of brief glimpses at the future with fears of "What now?" lessen. We are able to look at the future more optimistically. Regrets and fears have begun to recede.

Spending more time with the happy memories and the appreciation of having had the person in our lives for the time that we did, we begin to make choices of how to live with our new roles. We tell ourselves that this is what the person would have wanted. And unlike before, we no longer reject this thought because it hurts too much. Our patterns of living adjust and we are more comfortable with those adjustments.

Knowing that there will still be pain and sadness, we understand that it is time to move forward.