Transforming Grief and Loss

Grief is a natural reaction to losing someone we loved as the pain of never again being able to be with that person takes over our heart. But as our grief begins to lessen, we can either move on to just getting back to the daily business of living or we can do something good—something special that will benefit others. If we chose to do the latter, we will honor the person we have been mourning. And with that celebration of the loved one’s existence, we will begin to heal ourselves.

What is that “something good”? What would be appropriate? Consider who the person was and what their concerns were. If they had a favorite charity, you could contribute to that charity or, better yet, volunteer to help them. Or, find an activity to participate in that reflects what the loved one felt was important.

For example, my mother was very happy with my writing and speaking about Buddhism. I never quite figured out how she managed it so well, but she could begin talking to a stranger and in her first few sentences incorporate Buddhism into that conversation. She would tell them that Buddhism is not a religion and her daughter is a Buddhist nun. She’d say a few more things, often about how so much more patient I was now, and that was it. End of Dharma talk, and back to general conversation.

So to honor my mother, her bedroom is gradually being transformed into a “Dharma propagation room.” It’s messy due to a mixture of bedroom and work furniture, but I just keep apologizing and explaining that as things settle down, I'll straighten the room.

Personally, I don’t think she would mind the crowded room. She would be happy that I was happy working again. And touched that I was honoring her existence in this way. And then she'd remind me that I need to go eat my lunch...