a buddhist perspective

Question: I work in a small office and recently one of my co-workers told the others I had asked why something was done in a certain way. Saying this made me sound really dumb. What I had said was that I knew why something was done in a certain way but thought another way would be more helpful to our customers and then asked the person what she thought about changing.

This is not the first time something like this has happened and I feel like I should set the record straight and let the others know what I really said. I'm the only one she does this to and it's really bothering me.

Response: When something like this happens our first reaction is often to become angry and defensive. Largely because we're embarrassed. We know the person isn't reporting what happened correctly. If this is a singular instance, we can credit it to the other person's not remembering accurately. But when it happens a few times, we become more irritated because it feels like the person is acting intentionally.

To "set the record" straight, you might go to the other person and try to settle the situation amicably. To do this we first need to let go of our anger. This would be easier to do if it was just the first or second time something like this happened. The more this has happened and the more we tell ourselves how unfair and wrong this person is, the more difficult it will be for us to speak calmly and wisely. And the greater the risk of making a difficult situation worse!

Usually in such a situation it is our ego that is hurt. No one likes to appear "dumb." We worry about what our other co-workers will think of us. We tell ourselves it's not fair and wonder what we did to deserve this mistreatment. After all, we've always been nice to this person!

The situation mentioned is most likely karmic. We need to calm down and tell ourselves that we must have done something to deserve this. Basically, the person is not being a loyal co-worker. If we honestly believe we have never been disloyal to this person (and we need to be completely honest in examining our behavior here), we can ask whether we have been perfectly loyal to all our other co-workers. To all our family members? To all our friends? Did we ever exaggerate something about them or speak unkindly about them because we were irritated with something they did, or didn't do?

If we did—and most of us will have done so—then we're not the complete innocent we thought we were in the above scenario. Realizing this, it will be easier to let go of our sense that what happened is unjustified and unfair.

We also need to remind ourselves that our co-workers will not think less of us based on a few things someone says about us. Instead of trying to defend ourselves—and thus create more problems for the future—we can remain quiet. Out energy will be better spent on being a loyal co-worker and a competent, not dumb, employee.

When natural disasters or human-made catastrophes happen in countries where there are Buddhists, people often ask me if the people there accepted this as their karmic retribution. My response is that intellectually we may understand something, but when life hits us hard and everything we know crumbles around us, it is unbelievably difficult to say “It’s my karma.” What the intellect knows, the emotions overwhelm and wash away.

Rarely—very rarely—a person with deep belief and understanding is able to rise to the surface of what we Buddhists call the sea of suffering and say “I understand” even as he is thrust under by another wave.

I have a very good friend of many years who is able to do this.

When in trouble he calls me. All I can do is say how sorry I am as I try to find consoling words for a pain that right now doesn’t seem to have an end in sight.

As he talks, his voice gradually begins to sound a little stronger and then he comes to the “It’s my karma.” And in his voice is an understanding that I don’t know if he is completely aware of.

Each time that he says it’s his karma, he pays down that karmic debt and lightens his burden a bit. This load-lightening is darned difficult. But when we’re in a situation that doesn’t look like it’s going to end tomorrow, what we tell ourselves about it today can either ease our suffering or increase it.

Truthfully, my friend is very unusual. We all encounter difficult relationships, physical discomfort, financial setbacks, and a myriad other problems. But how many of us blame others, look for excuses, tell anyone who will listen to us all about our problems—basically do anything but accept responsibility.

How many of us can calmly admit that we have a debt to repay as we say “It’s my karma.” How many of us are that honest with ourselves.

Last Friday, a government official made a statement to a newspaper reporter regarding another country having nuclear weapons. There were doubtless other factors also at work, but the statement by one man contributed a lot to crude oil increasing by $11 to $139 a barrel in just one day. 

I am not qualified to say what the karmic retribution from this will be. But this incident is a particularly good example of how what is said can have the potential to bring about major outcomes.

The general principle is that what we say to others can lead to them taking particular actions. We will then, at some point, have to undergo the consequences of what we set into motion. Those with more influence have the potential to set into motion much greater outcomes.  For example,  as petroleum is either a component of almost everything produced and is also used to transport goods, such a large price increase can affect all but the most isolated people on earth. That's an enormous amount of karmic retributions.

Fortunately, most of us do not have such enormous influence. But even if we only negatively influence five or ten people with our speech, that will still incur a great deal of painful karmic consequences for us. 

A few days ago a comment was made on another entry. The writer wrote that he could see that,

"Whenever we're being treated badly…it's our bad karma. When others treat us badly, it's perfectly all right for them [to do so]. So at what point does this stop? Surely, we can't keep 'accepting' or suffering bad treatment? At what point do we stop being takers?"

Personally, I wouldn't say that it was "perfectly alright" because the person who is mistreating us is committing their own harmful actions and will have to suffer their own painful results in the future. They will find themselves in a similar position to our current one. So ideally we would feel badly about the future suffering that the other person is currently creating for themselves.

What of our situation? Our bad retributions are the results of our bad actions. If I do something wrong, how can I expect to avoid the consequences? It is fair for me to receive the results of my actions. It would not be fair if I could evade the results. And if I resent these karmic results by becoming angry or upset, I’m just committing more wrong actions that will result in additional bad results!

The reality is that I laid the ground work for my karmic retributions. There's no point in blaming the person who delivers these retributions to me. We're not "taking it" in the sense that the other person is mistreating us for no good reason. We're simply receiving what we created for ourselves. So there's no point in getting upset with the "messenger."

And actually, with our current understanding that painful situations are the direct result of past wrongdoings, this is the best time for us to undergo our bad karmic consequences. As much as we have difficulty accepting these retributions even when we have learned of causality, imagine how much more difficult it will be in a future lifetime when we know nothing of cause and effect.

The following is from a thoughtful reader who took the time to respond to my question of how he came across our websites: 

I am a beginner in the practise of Pure Land Buddhism. Since young, I visit temples from time to time with my family. Although I consider myself a Buddhist, the right conditions never arise for me to learn more about Buddhism. 

In October of 2006, I decided to visit Nan Tien Temple in Wollongong which is around an hour south of Sydney. On the way to the temple, I was happily speeding along the highway till I was stopped by the traffic police for speeding. Other than a speeding ticket with a huge fine, it also came to my attention that my driver licence was about to expire. As such, I decided to renew my licence at the RTA (Road Traffic Authority) in Sydney the following week.

So one weekday morning the following week, I was walking to the RTA when I come across a sign advertising free distribution of Buddhism books. The shop that the sign was referring to was closed and I made a mental note to visit that shop one day. 

A few days later, I finished work early and decided to visit the shop. This was the first time I visited Maha Bodhi Buddhist Centre which is run by Mr Michael Chen and his wife Mrs Jennifer Chen. They are kind enough to introduce some books on Buddhism to me and since then I had been visiting them every few weeks.

After being formally introduced to Buddhism by Michael, my interest in Buddhism grew...I never looked back since.

When the seeds we have planted mature, conditions will be such that "coincidences" will occur. As we see in the above account, they can do so in most unusual ways. So we don't need to try to force things to happen. By according with proper conditions, as the reader did by renewing his license, the conditions will unfold naturally.  A shop will be noticed, a mental note to visit on another day will be made, and the visit will be paid. All through according with proper conditions.