Another chance. 

Think of a person, now deceased, whom you had loved more than anyone else in your life. Think of all the things you wish you could have done for her or said to him. All the times you could have been more patient. Been more attuned to that special person’s unspoken needs and wishes. More concerned with their happiness and how to bring it about. More aware of their sadness and how to ease it.

Now think of all the things you did right, but just not often enough. Immersed in this back and forth roller-coaster of love and regret, look around you.

In our uncountable lifetimes, all beings have been someone we loved just as much. Missed just as intensely. Someone we wish with our all heart we had done more for. Our loved one is no longer with us but others are still here.

The next time you have negative thoughts of the person you are with, remember your special one. What emerges is the pain of regret, of words and deeds unfinished. You wish you had done more. With the one in front of you, you can. Start right away.

I know what I'm doing. 

It’s the other person who doesn’t. 

I had been staying at one of our centers when the day turned rainy. Close to lunchtime, people began arriving via the long walkway. I noticed a young woman who was holding an umbrella and wearing flip-flops.

She’ll get her feet wet. And maybe catch a cold with this chilly wind! I was thinking this when I remembered that I too had worn sandals to lunch.

But I had good reason! I just need to go a few paces until I’m under the awning. Just a few feet. So I was entirely justified. She’s not.

Thank goodness, all this silliness only lasted a few seconds before I caught myself. But we perform this fault-finding comparison all the time. We do the same seemingly incorrect thing, but our own behavior is justified.  I have a good reason, he doesn’t. I know what I’m doing, she does not. And so we observe, differentiate, critique, and judge. Imagine how much more pleasant it would be just to observe and stop there. Or at least observe and conclude something pleasant.

As in, Great hot pink flip-flops!