A rollercoaster can be fun 

as long as it’s not an emotional one.  

It happens all the time. We’re in the midst of one thought, when a very different one pops in. As it elbows its way to center stage, feelings absent mere seconds ago cascade in as well. In a flash, the new feelings—perhaps happiness, perhaps anxiety or sadness—expand and drive earlier feelings aside.

Riding this emotional rollercoaster, we finally remember that our feelings are transient. And, despite their insistence otherwise, they are actually not real. After all, the feelings weren’t even here a minute ago! Now we’re deliriously happy, or ridden with anxiety, or overwhelmed by sadness.

We need to summon up better thoughts—those of awareness, understanding, and control—and unplug the rollercoaster.

What will we discover? A sense of peace and confidence, knowing that while we can take part in and appreciate life, we need not be overwhelmed by uncontrollable feelings. We thus avoid that exhausting rollercoaster and, instead, glide contentedly through life. 

When learning of another’s pain, 

remember this is about them.

When someone summons the courage to tell us of something terrible that happened to them, we may fall speechless. Not knowing what best to say, we may mumble how sorry we are and can’t imagine what he is going through.

Alternatively, we may relate how we understand because something disturbing also happened to us. And then detail what happened.

The first response is at least indicative of how we sincerely care.

The second response focuses on the wrong person—on us.

So what can we say instead?

“Thank you. Thank you for trusting that I will support you.” With that the person knows we will not diminish their hurt. Yes, this opening is from our perspective but the point of focus is on the other person, on their suffering. After this, we listen attentively, trying to understand what they are thinking and feeling, which may be somewhat overwhelming. But it will help us figure how best to alleviate the suffering.