Life’s Daily Annoyances and Frustrations

In the Diamond Sutra, we read of a bodhisattva who was viciously attacked and killed while he was meditating quietly on a moun­tain. But due to his level of understanding and his calm, clear mind, he felt no anger, no hatred.

I think it is safe to say that few of us are at that level. We have trouble dealing with everyday minor problems. For example, one where someone cuts us off as we are driving down the road. This happens all the time. Instead of acting out of anger by blowing the horn or trying to speed up to cut the other person off, how might we react?

Recently, a young woman told me that she practices patience while driving. She allows herself ample time to arrive at her destination. This enables her to drive at a moderate speed. If someone cuts her off, no problem! Not in a rush, she is able to remain unaffected by the carelessness or rudeness of others. She might arrive at her destination a few minutes later than if she had been speeding and weaving in and out of traffic, but it is worth it because she arrives in a calm, happy mood.

These are the situations we encounter—life’s daily annoyances and frustrations. Whether it be the rudeness of the clerk in a store, the telemarketer we cannot get rid of, or the person at work who always argues with us, these are the real-life circumstances that we encounter countless times during the day. These are the very times when we should practice what the Buddha spoke of.

Mind of compasion

One time, the Buddha told the monks that they were to keep permeating the person who spoke to them out of ill will with an awareness imbued with good will.

Beginning with that person, they were to keep pervading the all-encompassing world with an awareness imbued with good will—abundant, expansive, immeasurable, free from hostility, and free from ill will.

We too can work with this practice. Initially, we can start this training with those who are close to us: family and friends who care for us. We start here because it is easier for us to love those who love us and who are kind to us. It is much more difficult to love those whom we have negative feelings for.

Once we establish this mind of compassion and goodwill for family and friends, we can then begin to expand it to include people we casually encounter, people whom we have no strong positive or negative feelings for. Accomplishing this, we can broaden this mind of benevolence to include people we dislike, and eventually even those we hate.

If we can keep widening this mind, we will gradually be able to accommodate many others in an ever-widening circle. Then, we can open up this caring mind to include all beings throughout the universe. The more encompassing this caring mind is, the greater our respect for all beings and all things will be.

We do not Know

If we are sympathetic to others’ welfare while maintaining goodwill, commiseration, and loving-kindness for all people, then we will not judge others. We will not say that this person is right and that person is wrong because we will come to understand that we do not know what is really happening, that we will likely mis­take falsity for truth. But if we are able to regard both friend and foe with sympathy and loving-kindness, we will then be able to practice the nonjudgmental, unconditional giving of love and thus wish for all beings to be happy.

We Need to go Further

 

One time when the Buddha was speaking with the monastics, he advised them to discipline and train themselves whenever they heard people speaking to them using speech that was timely or untimely, true or false, affectionate or harsh, beneficial or unbeneficial, with a mind of good-will or with inner hate. In other words, they were to train themselves by remembering these words of advice at all times.

Like the monastics, we can train ourselves so that their minds remained unaffected. To maintain a calm, clear, and unperturbed mind, we should not allow that which we see, hear, taste, touch, or think to disturb and thus taint our pure mind. Whatever has been perceived must not move the mind but be allowed to fall away; just as an image moving in front of a mirror is reflected but is no longer present after passing out of sight.

Also, we can train to say no evil words and endeavor to never again say words that are false, harsh, divisive, or enticing. Not talking harshly to others, not being sarcastic, and not lashing out blindly are ways to control anger.

But we need to go further.

Ideally, we should not even hold anger in our hearts. Holding on to our anger will taint everything we do: when we interact with others from a mind of bitterness and frustration, we will inflict our anger on others.

Strength of the Spirit

Nonviolence is the law of our species
as violence is the law of the brute.

The spirit lies dormant in the brute,
and he knows no law but that of physical might.

The dignity of man requires obedience
to a higher law—to the strength of the spirit. 

~ Mahatma Ghandi