Learn from guilt and do not become immersed in it.
Our difficulty in forgiving ourselves and others is worsened by our thoughts returning to what happened, over and over. First, when we have an argument or fight with someone, we consider how bad it made both of us feel. Then we resolve to try harder next time to not give in to the anger. We don’t want to feel terrible again!
For the other person, we forgive them by reminding ourselves that we have no idea what happened in that person’s life to result in their acting with such hostility. And we tell ourselves that we got to walk away from a person who was verbally abusive toward us. They couldn’t! What suffering.
Finally, each time our thoughts return to what happened, we brush them aside and replace them with “Amituofo.”
We do this every time our thoughts return to the incident and our guilt. And we remind ourselves that our guilt wastes our time and energy. It will be much better to chant “Amituofo” and dedicate the merits to all being in suffering.