;)
We often hear in Buddhism that we should never make an enemy. Additionally,
we should turn enemies into friends.
Essentially, we need to turn, and this will be ever so slowly at first, the
relationship around. It's the first turn that's the hardest. It starts with
what we tell ourselves about the other person. We try to still the negative
chatter and replace it with something positive. Also, we look for their
suffering. We replace our frustrated, complaining thoughts with those that are
empathetic and caring. Then we'll be ready.
During your next interaction with the person, look for something they do for
you that you can label "kind." The kindness may very well not have come from
a kind intention. The other person may have been thinking that you're so inept
that she needs to do something for you or you'll mess it up! That's okay. What
matters at this point is not the other person's intention, but rather how you
choose to interpret their action and react to it. By choosing to focus on the
kind act instead of the unkind intention, you have the opportunity to react out
of kindness. And so you say a sincere thank you.
The other person may not seem to notice your appreciation, but it will
register with them nonetheless. Every thought, word, and act is registered in
our Alaya consciousness, so your sincere thank you is
"recorded."
Hopefully, during the next interaction, that appreciative seed will arise
and they will be a little less annoyed with you or maybe even do something
sincerely thoughtful. If, so you will have made that first turn in the relationship. The
following ones will gradually be more frequent and easier.
But if that first appreciative thank you seed does not arise, don't throw up
your hands in frustration and revert to negative behavior. Remind yourself of
their earlier kindness and focus on that. Continue to look for their suffering
so you can view them more compassionately. At some point that seed of your
first sincere "thank you" will mature. The odds will be better if you
keep planting similar seeds in their Alaya consciousness. Any gardener knows
that if you plant several flower seeds instead of just one, you'll have a much
better chance of having flowers.
As you're doing this practice, remind yourself that all we can hope to
control is our own thoughts and emotions. We have no control over how others
will react. Regardless of how the other person reacts to us, we are planting
those seeds of kindness in our own Alaya consciousness as well.
So while I may only be able to walk by my neighbor's barren yard and toss in
a few flower seeds in hopes they will grow and bring him happiness, I can plant
those seeds all over my garden. Caring for them, I'll have a beautiful garden.
And who knows, after seeing it he may ask for a few seeds for a garden of his own.